Fruit of the Womb

Page 1

The lights come up stage left and stage right to reveal a therapist's office, stage right and a waiting room stage left. Medea sits stage right, while the other patients sit stage left. Dionysus enters stage right.

Achilles: Hey look everyone! It's Dionysus!

Dance music starts, and everyone, with the exception of Dionysus begins to dance.

Patients: (ad lib.) Ya! Rock on, Dionysus! Party down!

Dionysus: (in pain) No! No, turn it off! Turn it off!

(Everyone stares at him)

The acoustic reverberation irritates my tinnitis, and the floor vibrations from the dancing really bother my shin splints.

(Everyone continues to stare)

Well, they do.

Dionysus runs into the office fearfully. Everyone mumbles, shrugs and sits down.

Medea: Ah, Dionysus. Come in, come in. (gesturing toward the couch) Please, lie down. May I offer you some refreshment? Mutton stew, perhaps? (he shakes his head violently) Oh, of course, how foolish of me. Some wine?

Dionysus: No, thank you. I never touch the stuff. Not only do I find it gustatorily repugnant, but research has shown that frequent inebriation is the leading cause of liver disease.

Medea: So…the god of wine hates wine. (excited) Now, this is juicy! Tell me more.

Dionysus: Well, that's actually why I'm here. It seems that I can't seem to meet everyone's expectations of me.

Medea: I see, I see. Tell me about your childhood. Was it especially traumatic? (in a hopeful tone)

Dionysus: Well, there's a story. My father was Zeus. You know, omnipotent, omniscient, omni-handsome Zeus? Yeah, well, he's a big jerk. Anyway, one day my mother, Semele, was walking in the forum…

Medea: The what?

Dionysus: Oh sorry. The agora. Anyway, she was with her best friend, and as I understand it, was shopping for some meat…

The lights rise on the agora, center stage. Various shops and stalls are being browsed by various shoppers. Narcissus stands with his back to the stage, while Hermaphroditus stands stage left with his male side to the audience. Semele and her friend enter stage right. A woman walks by them both.

Semele:Oh my gods! Did you see that chiton? With those sandals? Hello! Fashion taboo! Okay, so remember to keep your eyes open for guys. Wait! Stop right there! Hottie at ten o' clock!

Hetaira: (finally getting a word in, but looking around) Where?

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