Page 5

Dionysus: Theseus? Now that guy has problems! I hear his stepmother is a witch!

Psyche enters stage left, and escorts Theseus out, stage left.

Medea: (irritated) Yes, well, umm… So, you traveled to Greece.

Dionysus: Yes, but it was a terrible mistake. Everywhere I went, my party animal reputation preceded me. But after months of traveling, I finally decided to settle down in Thebes and realize my dream.

Medea: And what was this dream?

Dionysus: "Dionysus' All Girls School of Etiquette". What a disaster.

Medea: (excited) What? Arson? Incest? Accidental death?

Dionysus: The last one. You see, my cousin, king Pentheus of Thebes was so obsessed with my all girls school that…

Lights rise on center stage with Pentheus and his servant in his palace quarters.

Pentheus: So, I'm going to go up there and find out what it is they're doing. I won't be long.

Servant: Uh, you're not planning to go up there looking like that are you?

Pentheus: Looking like what?

Servant: Uh…like that. You'll never get in looking like a man. You're going to have to look a little more…feminine.

(she pulls a chiton out of the box and tosses it at Pentheus)

Here, this will do.

The servant exits stage right.

Pentheus: Why, this is absurd! Although…I do like the neckline and the colour really does bring out my eyes. (he puts it on)

Medea: Note to self: Make appointment with king Pentheus.

(Pentheus smears on some lipstick and puts on some blush and a wig. He picks up a mirror and admires himself)

Pentheus: (singing horribly) I'm lovely! Absolutely lovely! Who could doubt the loveliness of me?…

(He continues to hum his song until he comes to the maenads who enter stage left with Dionysus Jr.)

Dionysus Jr.: And remember, when meeting new people, belching is now considered to be rude. And Agave, remember, short dainty steps, no lumbering.

1st maenad: (referring to Pentheus) Ew! What is she wearing? That colour does not match that lipstick!

2nd maenad: And the hair? So passť.

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